It’s amazing being back here in the United States. Didn’t expect to feel this way, but here it is and here I am. And it really has very little or nothing to do with the fact that it is the United States. It’s really me within the US. I feel in a way like I’m floating through space, floating through time really too. I can easily see the craziness here, the scattering about, the stress and sadness on people’s faces, the hustling to here and zipping to there. Yet I feel like I am a witness rather than a participant. I am a participant, but not necessarily in that world. I’m in it, but not of it. I guess I’m a witness to my participation.
Yesterday I was driving my truck and was stopped at a stop sign behind a woman. Someone somewhere honked their horn. It wasn’t me and there was no one behind me, but it came from somewhere. As soon as the horn sounded, the middle finger on the right hand of the woman in front of me shot up, aimed back at me. I couldn’t help but chuckle, but also feel a lot of compassion for people living in this world who are so stressed that they can instantly flip off someone at the sound of a horn. In all my time in India, with drivers who would be imprisoned in America for their unsavory driving practices, not once did I see someone get mad at at another driver or honk at someone out of anger, or flip someone off. not once. And they are Crazy drivers. The country, and the people within it are so much more in flow with life that they just allow a lot of space for other’s behaviors. I guess I’m still in that flow.
Today I went to Glide Church, where I sang in their gospel choir for about 9 years prior to moving up north. While there, one of the captains in the choir said I should know all the songs they were singing so they asked me to join them in singing. I’ve always loved singing there (why else would a for-the-most-part-non-christian go to church for so many years every Sunday!?) Actually there’s more to the place too about unconditional love and acceptance, and service which strike a very sweet resonance with me as well. Anyway, we sang God is Good to Me, and there is a part where the choir sings over and over at the top of our lungs, “God is good, God is good, God is good, God is good, God is good to me.” When you really feel that sentiment, deep in your heart and then you get to repeatedly project it into the world, it’s such a rush and a liberation. Hard to describe, but I sure love it. We also sang a song where the song crescendos with “I’m ready to sing, ready to sing, ready to sing Ha-le-lu-jah!” over and over and over. The thing you have to get about me right now is that I am sooooo ready to sing Hallelujah in my heart and spirit, that to sing this was amazing. While singing that over and over, again at the top of my lungs, I had an amazing realization that brought me to tears while singing: That the Universe was able to experience itself through me! I don’t know if you will understand what that means, but it was very clearly and powerfully my experience. It was as if I were simply a manifestation of the universe (which I am of course as are we all), capable of sensing and experiencing reality, and I was bringing consciousness and awareness to the Universe. Again, I know that may seem trippy or confusing to some of you, but trust me, when you are having that realization, it is not possible to want to be anywhere but there. Simply not possible. It is pure beauty and bliss, the pure beauty and bliss which simply is. Which in many ways is where I am residing at the moment.
More to tell, more to share, but it’s nice to be here, wherever here may be.