For whom am I writing this blog? It’s time I wrote about this a little because my “readership” if you want to call it that has grown, and I guess I want to clear the roadway a little bit for truthful writing to emerge. When I first started writing the blog back in August of 2007, it was really a personal avenue for me to explore the truth, what it is, how we know, what we say, what we conceal, etc. As time progressed that initial framework expanded to be an active exploration of Truth as I experience it, as it manifests in my life. At first, I sent the link out to various friends whom I felt would have a sense of what I’m speaking about. Over time that has grown and now I find that the distribution list has grown beyond my control, which I very much welcome, but I also want to make sure that the newer readers understand the purpose of this blog. It’s grown since I’ve been traveling but it is not intended as a travel blog. The point of intersection for this blog and my travels in India is the place where India has affected me at a deeper level, the place where I learn about life, reality, myself, others, etc. There are many other people I’ve met and places I’ve seen that have touched me on this trip, but I write, or at least try to write, about how my seeing is being changed, how my heart is opening, how life is no longer as it was as I saw it yesterday. I think perhaps I’m writing this entry as well because I’ve felt myself drift a little bit towards travel writing and chronicling. Not too far mind you, but I want to steer in to the drift a little to keep this blog from spinning out into something my heart really doesn’t want it to become.
If I’m not careful, I’ll end up writing this tailored to everyone reading this, thus avoiding the rough edges that some people may not understand about me. In life, much like for most of us, I present myself to different groups of people in different ways: my brother, my father, my nieces and nephews, my neighbors, friends in spiritual groups, new traveling friends, ex-girlfriends/lovers, potential partners, my teacher, friends I’ve known since Mrs. Koska’s class in 5th grade, and people who I have no idea who you are. All of you are readers of this blog, and all of you have different perspectives of me, much like 100 viewers of a movie might have 100 different perspectives on what happened. As I’m saying this, I realize that I add fuel to that to that since I share different aspects of myself with different people in different ways. With this blog, I’m trying to move past all of that and into just being me as I discover myself to be, with as much honesty as I, and hopefully you, can learn to stomach. It’s been a long time since I moved to California from Chicago, but for years friends would tease me saying things like, “is this the New Ted talking, or the Old Ted?” I’ve changed in my life and for a time there was a struggle of trying to wrest free of being how others expect me to be, (which is effectively however I was when we first became acquainted). I don’t really want that any longer, but I also want to be more and more authentic in how I present myself, and hopefully here I am moving towards doing so.
Sometimes there are certain people who read this and don’t seem willing to accept that there can be struggle in my life, as they send me “look on the bright side” pepmails. Others seem intent on giving advice about what to do, how to see things, forwarding sayings of the sages, etc. (and I honesty never fail to see the love in that), but in that there is a failure to see that I am on a very individual path of exploration and discovery, and blessedly it is my life that is unfolding before my eyes.
Others would just wish that I get beyond all this and find Jesus. Don’t worry, we’ve met and he’s a dear one, but there are many other dear ones as well.
In India there are many shops where they “retread” tires. Seems to make much more sense than in the US where we insist on buying new tires for our vehicles. I say this as, in a way, I’m retreading my blog, making sure there is enough tread on the tires to keep moving forward in the direction of truth, hopefully avoiding the spin out I felt beginning to happen. Thanks to you all for reading too and pushing me hard into the turn.