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Acknowledging the Truth and What That Brings — 6 Comments

  1. I’m glad you started this venture with some easy ideas to think about before moving on to the hard stuff.Is truth masked by sarcasm a lie?Your first post gave me lots to think about and to respond to.On your brother – I got a similar feeling – not so much love, but the idea/thought “Of course you can love him despite your other feelings.” And that idea/thought “felt” true. Or “smelled” true? Perhaps “welled up inside of me as only truth can?”That’s one aspect of truth that I think is worth exploring – how it feels. I think it feels a bit like love.I haven’t thought of William Blake in a while, but one of his proverbs of hell was, “The truth can never be told so as to be understood and not believed.” I like that as part of any definition of truth.You branched out in to love quite a bit. The stuff with your brother got me thinking about my stuff with my parents. Of course I love my parents, despite my other feelings for them. And part of me says I should do whatever it takes to get them back in my life. But a bigger part of me has vowed that I will not “be the bigger person” and say what I think they want to hear. And that gets back to truth – I want a relationship that is true and genuine. If I can’t have that, then I guess I prefer none at all to continuing with unhealthy patterns that cause me more grief than joy.But why do you need to “feel superior” to him? And why should that be a barrier to love? The bit about Hookie got me thinking about my love for my dogs and how it bumps up against my love for Rachel. I do love my dogs. And when they were sick, I had similar feelings to those I has when Jake was really sick, but not as intense. They are here with me now, lying on the bed, waiting for me to do something, but still content just being here. But sometimes they drive Rachel nuts. And of course, I love Rachel more than I love the dogs. But I am not willing to sacrifice the dogs for my love of Rachel. I think I loved our rabbit, too. But if Rachel was considering divorcing me, it would not be hard for me to get rid of the rabbit. (Incidentally, the rabbit went off on it’s own and is living happily in a field out by Tony and Eva’s place. I’ve seen her, but have not made any attempt to bring her home. And when I see pictures of her from when she used to live here, I miss her and it makes me a little sad. But I think knowing she’s chosen to live out there makes me OK with the loss. If she wanted to come home, I think she would.)This is a tough one that’s been brewing, and every once in a while it percolates up to the top of my brain.At one point during the perseids, I asked you to tell me more about the blog you were going to start. But you were asleep. Next meteor shower we should talk more about this stuff. Spend a little more time in abstracts.Great start, Ted.

  2. I respect the fears I have about telling dark truths to people that matter to me. But I think I go unconscious, and stop scratching away at these communication difficulties, and then I let the fear become its own force, a habit of not saying challenging things.I notice that I love it when other people are edgy in this way. It’s thrilling. My fearful patterns seem to me like they are related to being helpless when I was young. It was dangerous to speak my mind. As an adult, I have often spoken my mind in an abrupt and perhaps insensitive way (maybe in order to push my way through my resistance). This has created some unpleasantness which I think is compounding my fear, and sitting on my spontaneity.I like this blog Ted!

  3. Hey Ted, Reading your exchange with your brother made me smile. No tip toeing around! I recently had an encounter with my Mom, where I got possessed by the impulse to speak some truth of my experience … hours of it, to her. It was strange because every time she asked a question that indicated she had no idea what I was talking about (or that was a defense masked as a question)instead of just shutting down the conversation (which would have been most easy), I kept trying to present the truth in a way that she could perhaps here it, somehow, without watering it down too much.I have no idea what really sunk in. What really made an impression, what, if anything will change in her modes of operation due to the conversation.Of course part of me hopes for certain shifts and such, but that is not really for me to worry about. I just feel a sense of Grace that the conversation was allowed by both our souls … It is quite fascinating how the Truth can seem like an attack or like a car bomb … devastating, ‘ruining’ everything. It can be such a different experience … so fruitful and purifying and creative, if one wants to know Truth, regardless of how it challenges the ego or one’s established life structures.But then there is the subjective/relative/personal Truth, and there is absolute Truth of Being (and Becoming in Time). Even the suggestion of the latter can send people into a tizzy. But it is worth exploring, even though most people equate absolute Truth with all the evils Religion has wrought with the imposition of limited truth in the name of Absolute or Universal Truth. But just because humans have been more than a bit twisted with regards to our conceptions of Absolute Truth, or that we have NO IDEA what that IS, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.So, food for thought: Is there an Absolute Truth that ties everyone’s Relative Truth’s together … makes it possible for human unity on a world-wide scale, despite all of our individual truths/experiences.If not, how does Unity happen? What Truth holds things together? That is my interest.How is the Truth of, say a beet, or the Earth itself, connected to the truth of an human being?

  4. Ted One way I think of the truth is five levels of why. If you keep asking why, maybe five times, you’ll eventually get to the truth.It’s hard to put aside childhood experiences and identities. The need for superiority is complicated and I don’t understand it in myself. I would like to explore that one more.So I thought about Steve, and how sad his life is. I thought about calling him after reading your blog. I actually did try. But his phone wasn’t working. Probably disconnected for non payment. Again. And so I thought about calling his girlfriend or his son. But I didn’t want to. I guesss I’m not a phone person. Why? I think dealing with the truth requires energy. And I just didn’t feel it today.Love yaMe

  5. As we can see from all of the comments on this blog, truth is a relative concept, shaped by genetic traits, personality, needs, and most of all our experiences. They are different in each person, and withing ech person as we age. My truth today is very different than it was 20 years ago. Why? Because I see the world through different lens. The same event sparks a different reaction from me than would have been the case then. I have more experiences that color my judgment. I am shaped by the fact that people around me have changed (Ted being the exception, of course!) Relationships are so complex, especially to the people we are closest to. Insecurities and jelosies come into play, whetehr we ackoledge tham or not. Hope to read more thoughts on this topic.

  6. Eric, I agree with you – how truth feels is a worthy pursuit. If I try to sit with the feeling of truth, it feels big, expansive, like a deep breath which expands the lungs. With that expansive breath, the head is held higher, much more ready for eye contact. It’s also a very settled powerfulness, grounded like a rock but able to nimbly attend to what is needed. At least that’s it for me. I also agree that truth has feelings of love in it, for when we feel love I think is when we are best and most ready for real eye contact – nothing in my experience is as “loveful” as deep, real, timeless eye contact with another. Just the other day I was in a bar for $1 happy hour Taco Tuesday and a young drunk guy kept badgering/insulting/challenging me. He started a staredown contest with me and I stared back, but with feelings of love instead of aggression. It was through heartful eye contact that my love for him in that moment was able to be present, whereas during the rest of the time of our interaction, I was ruled more by fear, bravado, incredulity, ego, and deliberate self-calming efforts on my part. An anonymous commenter to this posting went into fearful patterns from youth and how dangerous is was to speak his/her mind. That kind of insight is really helpful I believe because it gives us more space to have those feelings arise and not have to fall into their trap. I always loved the Buddhist story of the man who walks down the road. The first day he falls in the hole. The 2nd day he walks down the road, sees the hole but falls in anyway. The 3rd day, he walks down the road, sees the hole and skirts around it. The 4th day he sees the hole coming up and crosses the road before he gets to it. The 5th day he walks down a different road. It takes some time to come to see our patterns and actually change them, but that almost only happens, I believe, with some sense of intentional awareness.Lori, I loved what you said when you said “It is quite fascinating how the Truth can seem like an attack or like a car bomb … devastating, ‘ruining’ everything. It can be such a different experience … so fruitful and purifying and creative, if one wants to know Truth, regardless of how it challenges the ego or one’s established life structures.” Are we truly open to the truth whatever it is, or do we only want to know it if it supports our egos and makes us feel good? Good question too on the Absolute Truth which binds all of our relative truths together. I like to think so and I’m glad you broached into that territory.

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