I’m finally returning.
Not home, but to myself.
I’m in London where I’ve been, outside of that 3 day jaunt to Belgium, for the past couple of weeks. I had been struggling some lately, some of which you may have read about here as regards a lack of ground (see “Losing Ground“), as well as with difficulty with motivation and general enthusiasm. Since I’ve been here in England I’ve gradually been coming back to myself. I can recognize that feeling by a more pervasive lightness in my being, more energy, and perhaps most telling of all, a desire to and a capacity to meditate, to comfortably sit still with myself for longer periods of time.
I think the malady which hit me had several causes, but I think it was due in part to disorientation caused by spending too much time with the computer (see “Walking Around in a Digital Fog“), and also too much time directly dealing with and being impacted by an overly stressful investment situation. I really needed a place to ground myself, to rest, a place both familiar and nurturing and I’ve found that here.
I’ve been spending time with my friend Sonia who is a very light and loving being, one of my favorite people on the planet. She has provided a nurturing holding place for me here in London which is something my soul really needed. We spent several days at the Buddhafield festival which was also healing for my soul (good veggie food, lots of rest, dances, workshops, rituals, etc.). I also found my meditation practice there again as the desire to sit naturally arose for me for the first time in months and I spent several periods of time in 2 of the meditation tents there.
While she is off at a 10 day Vipassana silent retreat, I’ve been wandering London (The Tate museum yesterday to see some William Blake artwork my friend Eric told me about), and I spent last evening with my friend Marcus whom I met in India a couple of years ago and also saw when here in England two summers ago. It was a real treat to see him as he’s someone who lives very close to his heart. He’s been an Amma follower and devotee for the past 15 years perhaps. It’s nice to have friends who never got caught up in the ratrace world and seek to fill their lives with meaning rather than money, objects, or heartless work. We had a nice swim, sauna and steam at a lovely club yesterday and had a good time catching up late into the evening.
I’m now on a train to the seaside here to spend a few days with my friend Paul, also met in India but have seen since here in England and again in India as well. He’s another on a strong spiritual path, leading something he calls “Meetings in Stillness” twice weekly and also teaching “Golf in the Natural State,” something I hope to witness and learn from first hand while here.
Ive also booked a few days at the Shekinashram in Glastonbury next week, where hopefully I’ll drop down even further. Seems like down is the direction I need to go to find myself these days, directionally from the head back through the heart an down to the belly.