The most frequent commenter to my blog while I was traveling in India was a man named Alan Palmer, who wrote his own blog called Psiplex. He had head and neck cancer (it doesn’t feel quite right to say “suffering from” or “battling with” or even “afflicted with” as that doesn’t seem to reflect his posture towards his illness, which was much more of a path and a practice for him). I’ve continued to return to his blog since I’ve come back from India to see if he’s still writing after his last posting about an intense and painful ambulance ride. In checking again this morning, I read a comment from his sister, and sadly found out that Alan died on April 15, 2009 while I was in transit back to the United States.
I never got the opportunity to meet Alan, but I had really hoped to drive across the country this summer and stop in Atlanta to meet him as he struck me as one of the very special beings on this Earth and I had looked forward to the opportunity to get to know him better. He regularly posted words of encouragement, support and wisdom in response to my postings from India, such as:
- “More blessings are waiting for you in India! Sending love light and hugs- you are going to be fine- your changeless perfect self is not disturbed.”
- “I look forward to reading your posts (following you on Blogger). You’re right there with the Psiplex daily surf. Gotta have my Ted fix or the day won’t work out right 🙂 One Love”
- “You bring a beauty to everything with your writing! So wonderful to hear about your journey . This post is filled with your connection to love and life. One of the highlights of my day is reading your blog.”
- “Absolutely refreshing to learn of your journey and brave undertaking to truly know yourself.”
- “Big respect and warm wind at your back to guide you to that harbor.”
- “It all ever just is – it is not what we wish and would make so – Operate in love and humility and your vibrational energy will attract or repulse what is within her. The emotional aspect of love, a gift, shouldn’t be confused with the wholeness of love which guides and nurtures all beings toward their greater good and contribution to the one. Always consider that everything could just as easily not be as easily as it is. Again, not what we wish or seek is reality, only the changeless Absolute is going to ‘be’ and take place.”
Other peoples lives touch us in ways we cannot fully understand or know, and beautifully, our lives have the power to do the same. Alan’s support for me on this path touched me at a deep level, for perhaps more than anyone else reading my writings, he understood the essence of my trip as it unfolded. He somehow seemed to magically hover slightly above and ahead of me as I journeyed inward and onward, dangling a gossamer thread to ease me forward along the path which was and still is unfolding.
One of the most difficult parts of death for me is the lost opportunity to grow old together. I often think of my dear friend Rosevelt who died all too early from AIDS in 1999. What I miss the most about him though (tears…) is not the time we spent together, but the time that never will be (more tears…), the time sitting on the front porch as old men, singing and laughing, and sharing love and stories. I feel that way about you too Alan, for it is whatever connection and interplay that might of been and now cannot be that I feel most acutely in my grief. The other piece I feel here is your sweetness, love and sincerity.
For those who wish to read Alan’s writing, which I encourage, you can find his postings at http://psiplex.blogspot.com.
In a personal email message he wrote to me in late February, he said, “It is miraculous to see how the Source moves through lives- living them and leaving wisdom and knowledge to be absorbed.” I think you were that type of person, the kind through whom “The Source” lives, leaving wisdom and knowledge to be absorbed. Like right now.
In another he wrote, “Most grateful and thankful that there are events and beings that come into consciousness at the perfect time for the lessons and love to take place through Grace.” My feeling is that we all should be grateful and thankful to you for just that.
I’ll end this post/memorial/rememberance with the words that Alan chose to end most of his comments to my postings: