Yesterday afternoon, I went for my own darshan with Amma. I still wasn’t sure if I would, but I at least wanted to see it happening and decide there. It was a mob of sorts, with people standing around her trying to be near her and see her hugging others, and trying to get to her to be hugged. At some point an Indian man looked at me and asked, “Darshan? You darshan?” I nodded Yes and he pulled me to the side and into the makings of a queue, much like a stream can be wide and still with only a segment moving forward. I felt into my heart and feet and felt grounded and centered enough so it felt good to me to move into this flow. As I neared her, I was encouraged to kneel and at my turn, I edged forward and tilted my head toward her bosom. As in my dream, the initial hug felt a little cursory, but then she pulled me closer and whispered into my ear what sounded like, “more, more more, more, more, more (something something) more, more.” It stunned me a little as I wasn’t expecting that kind of contact. Everyone here who has followed Amma seems to say that Amma is incredibly intuitive and always gives people what they need, even if it’s not exactly what they want. Not that it really matters, but mine was the last darshan of the day and the whole thing ended with prayers and bells and chanting and the ushering away of Amma. I sat on the side and meditated for awhile to try to integrate what had happened.
So I was left with this mantra of sorts, which I’ve thought alot about, and even used while chopping chiggory this morning as part of my daily service here. What I’m getting from it so far is that by the explosive nature of the dream and the urgency of her whisperings to me, that she is trying to light a fire in me of sorts. The “more, more, more” part feels like an encouragement towards deepening my yearning for God / Love / Life, but it definitely has an urgency about it as well.
I haven’t told others here about my in-person darshan experience yet, as I’ve really wanted to ride the internal wave of reaction and integration of all that is transpiring here.
I tend to be a sceptic about many things, especially those involving gurus, and especially those that have developed large infrastructures like Amma has, but I will say that my personal experience here tells me that she is for real. Thanks Willow for your comment on the last post. I can fully understand how you could be brought to a place of sobbing in her presence.